In front of people who don't drink, I never thought about drinking.
Jack London
Quitting alcohol is difficult, but it is possible. In this case, only truly caring people can help. Those who try to help alcoholics quit drinking and save him to solve some of their problems (such as housing) will do nothing. Love alone is not enough to help get rid of the hardest addiction, you still need to know what to do. Because it happens that the strongest and noblest person's feelings in a given situation will make relatives (saving the alcoholic) establish false stereotypes with him. As a result, they only contribute to the development of alcoholism, and they themselves become interdependent.
The traditional role played by the relatives of alcoholics (usually their wives) is the role of "nanny". In the classic version, the "nanny" does everything possible to maintain the family's livelihood, and the people around are not aware of the alcohol problem. She supports her family, maintains the order of the family, and raises her children. This kind of education also has its own characteristics: she teaches her children not to "take dirty cloth in public" since she was a child. The relationship with "nanny" drinking "half" depends on the state of this "half". During the carnival, the "nanny" takes care of an alcoholic: find him where he drinks and take him home; call to work and say that he is sick; try to eliminate his aggressiveness, often endure beatings and insults; give himFeeding and washing.
When awake, the "nanny" can continue to patronize and please the alcoholic, hoping to prevent him from drinking in this way, or on the contrary, like a performance, put him on various deeds and responsibilities. In both cases, after a while, another carnival will develop and everything will start again. The cyclic algorithm of this relationship can exist for an arbitrarily long time. The "nanny" behavior not only exacerbated the development of alcoholism, but ultimately, she could no longer lead a different life herself. This is why the wives of alcoholics often choose alcoholics or drug addicts as their partners when they remarry.
For all relatives, no matter who gets sick with them—husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, sons, daughters—the general rule is not to do anything that leads to the development of addiction. this means:
People who drink alcohol must solve the problem by themselves.
Well, since he created it himself, let him decide. Otherwise, he won't have obstacles before the next drink, because he will want your help. Sometimes it comes to the point of absurdity: the husband has spent the entire "family pot", there is nothing in the house, and the wife runs around with acquaintances, borrowing money to pay off her husband's debts. This is his carnival.
Trying to save, you don't need to call the alcoholic at work and say that he is very sick and suddenly sick. First, cheating is not good-don’t set a bad example for your children; second, after two or three such calls, no one will simply believe you, they will at least quietly laugh at you; third-today you willSave him from the simple whipping, which may stop him, and tomorrow he will drink harder and eventually lose his job.
It is totally unacceptable to us that sympathetic relatives buy their own alcohol in order to get the alcoholic drunk. To achieve the same success, you can provide drugs or other poisons to your loved ones.
The treatment is not always pleasant and painless.
For example, if a person has an abscess somewhere on the body, you can hide it under clothes, pour deodorant to eliminate the odor, and create greenhouse conditions for a person to reduce activity and not feel pain. As a result, all of this leads to the development of sepsis and death. If despite the pain, the abscess is opened and a course of antibiotics is "pierced", although it is also painful, then the person is likely to recover.
You need to keep your promise, and if you can't keep it, then it's best not to give up.
Alcoholics, ex-smokers, and drug users are very sensitive to where it is possible to achieve something and where to be flatly rejected. In this respect, they are like children, and they should communicate with them often like children: when necessary-praise, when necessary-punishment. But it is not one. Even the most trivial incidents related to alcohol use should not be ignored. Of course, the degree of "punishment" must correspond to the degree of "offensive". Don't be fooled by the solid age and representative appearance of "guilty". A sound carrot and stick policy usually applies to a wide range of ages and social backgrounds.
So, for example, if a wife promises to her husband that if there is another spree, she will divorce him, and he did "brow his eyebrows" that night, then she should write a copy at least the next dayThe divorce statement requires the husband to sign and agree. The application submitted to the registry can always be taken away, but practice shows that this decisive action makes the husband think about the problem much faster than countless reproaches and unfulfilled promises.
Your attitude towards alcohol should always be negative.
Any alcohol consumption, even the smallest amount, even the smell of cigarettes, should not continue without your negative comments. This does not mean that you have to create a scandal every time because of smashing vegetables. This should not be done under any circumstances-such a "showdown" will only lead to the fact that an alcoholic with a clear conscience will "relieve stress" and will happily tell a sympathetic drinking partner that his wife is aBitch, he was drinking because of her. Such situations should be discussed calmly, naturally-calmly analyze their causes and draw real conclusions. It should look like this:
- expensive! You drank again at a party yesterday, even though you promised not to. This is very unpleasant to me, because at the end of the night you look completely indecent, it is terrible to come back from you, you behave so aggressively.
-You see, yesterday I was in a bad mood because of troubles at work, so I decided to drink a little, lest my appearance spoil the mood of others. Next to me is the hostess’s husband. He has been pouring wine for me, so I don’t have time to eat. And the vodka may be of poor quality-I still have a headache. This may be the reason why I went overboard.
-In my opinion, if a person promises, then he should abide by it! It turns out that when they pour you vodka, it is easier to break the promise than to say "no"!
- understand. . .
-No, I don’t understand! Let us not deceive ourselves! In the past year, we have talked about this more and more frequently-I think it's time to consult an expert.
-You need-You and be treated.
-First, we all need it, and second, no one will treat you. We will only discuss with the psychotherapist how to behave in certain drinking-related situations.
Sometimes this kind of conversation is enough to make a person with alcohol problems agree to come to us, but more often he will resist in every possible way, referring to lack of free time, the visit is useless, and many other "legitimate"Reason. You must persevere, with each new episode of alcohol, persevere more and more decisively. In addition, if the conversation does not work, please do not hesitate to use other pressure methods, your intuition and understanding of the personality of the person you love should prompt you to do so. By the way, don't forget to remind regularly that in developed countries, people with more or less self-esteem have their own psychologists, and he will meet with him regularly. Without it, it's as embarrassing as riding a humpbacked "Zaporozhets".
All conversations with alcoholics should have a specific logical ending.
Any conversations you have, any disputes about existing alcohol issues should end with some constructive decision. In any case, you should not give up halfway, let the patient's alcoholism "I" deceive everyone again, forcing them to postpone the real action of abstinence indefinitely. Because usually this kind of conversation ends with an alcoholic promise to stop drinking, everyone officially calms down. Obviously, after a while, everything will repeat itself, and so on-endless. So, if your alcoholic relative tells you that he understands everything, understands, deeply regrets it, he won’t be like this again, believe him, if he still drinks at least once (no matter how much), you will go to psychology togetherHome.
When avoiding being drunk, don't drink in the presence of a drunkard.
The wisest thing that relatives of patients can do is not to drink or keep alcohol at home. Alcohol in such a house can only exist in one form-as part of the external disinfectant (iodine, bright green, etc. ). Moreover, although many of our patients who have not drunk for many years feel completely calm in the drinking company and are indifferent to alcohol, it is still safe. The fewer stimuli, the calmer. This is the first and second, please keep the following points in mind:
When an alcoholic who definitely does not think he is such an educated and tries to help another alcoholic to be more "successful" in creating daily and social problems (together with the green snake), the situation is not very promising. Obviously, if they inhale smoke into you, the call for a sober life does not sound convincing, and the difference between a sick person and a similar "healthy" person is that the latter has not yet been unemployed and his wife has not left yet. he.
Don't hide the fact that your loved one has an alcohol problem.
This is not an antics that urgently needs to tell everyone that your husband is drunk. No, but you should not deceive anyone, mislead, pretend that you know nothing. Under no circumstances should you deceive your children, let alone force them to lie. Usually, they fully understand and understand everything.
If you are convinced that involving people who have an influence on alcoholics: parents, adult children, friends, bosses, colleagues, will help promote the cause-please do not hesitate to tell them everything and ask for help.
The conversation with the alcoholic must be substantive.
It is not enough to say that he drinks regularly. For him, this is empty talk. You need to be prepared in advance to talk to alcoholics, especially if you plan to involve others. For this reason, it will be useful to record the frequency of alcohol attacks, the degree of drunkenness, and the behavior in this state. In short, you need to keep a diary, preferably with illustrations. That is, if it is possible to film drunk flying on a video, then it must be done, and when you save your loved ones, you will discuss the ethical and moral aspects of such behavior and the serious and incurable consequences.
The alcoholics need to be provided with objective information about their illness.
A drinker unconsciously perceives any information one-sidedly: he only hears and sees what he wants, and what he doesn't want-he ignores it, does not pay attention to it. Of course, only those messages that do not harm the friendship with the green snake will be allowed to enter consciousness. The role of the censor is played by the "I" who is addicted to alcohol. This inner voice sounds in the heart of every alcoholic, and proves, disguises, and makes everything related to drinking conform to the norm in every possible way. .
In this regard, in order to convey all negative information about the disease and its consequences to the recipient, it is necessary to creatively solve the problem. If you put newspaper clippings and prohibition posters on all the walls, you will do nothing. However, if you seem to tell an acquaintance of you accidentally, by the way, he is a few years younger than you and is already in the afterlife, and his next binge is the culprit, and an alcoholic may become thoughtful.
One of our patients "woke up" (in his words) after a homeless person could barely recognize his school friend while wandering in the trash.
Be sure to let the drunkard read our book, it is specially written, so that everyone can read it very interestingly.
Help the sober "me" of the alcoholic.
Don't wait until the alcoholic starts to change his stereotype of life, but actively (but not intrusively) help him in this regard. Take him to cinemas, theaters, sports fields, take him out of the city, and introduce him to interesting people. The alcoholic himself (of course, if he is still adapted to society) usually finds it difficult to do this, because he often encounters time problems-most of his time is taken up by green snakes. And he has lost the habit of such events, he doesn't know from which side to approach them.